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My rear end protested. After several long hours of note-taking, my fanny was in no mood for a new session. My flat ass had a bad case of meeting butt. My hand was cramped, and after a day of biking through the mountains, I hurt in places the sun didn’t shine.“This does not bode well,” I said as I closed my notepad and set it to one side; no point of recording a train-wreck. “We’re supposed to be the new day crew.”I smiled and tapped the rounded point of my number two pencil on my half-filled pad of paper. Lead and cedar were my tools for taking minutes. I liked the effortless feel of graphite sliding across the yellow legal pad.“Our mission,” I said, “is to figure out how to survive this disaster and we can’t even agree on something easy like what to call ourselves.” I rubbed my forehead as I stretched and tried to return circulation to my restless legs.“Sheila has a sick sense of humor,” I said with a grin as I examined my scribbles. “She calls for to be the...” I cleared my throat. We won the couples' best costume prize at three parties. I wasmortified!Then, when he took me back to his bachelor pad, where we had gottendressed with the help of some of the girls from the office, he pushed medown on his couch and started kissing me and fondling me, and the nextthing I knew, he had, well, made love to me right there on the couch asif I actually were his bride!I was so glad I had prepared myself by using three bottled enemas and awhole thing of strawberry feminine wash--just in case, you know?What he did to me was technically rape, but I couldn't report it,because he made me clean all the evidence off him with my tongue andwipe myself clean with a sanitary napkin one of the girls had put in mybridal panties.So what should I do now, Tish? He wants to take me out again!Sincerely, IndecisiveHi Indie,I think I understand: You spent all day with this man as his bride,ostensibly carrying his child, and you didn't expect him to make a move?Oh sure. I totally believe.
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